Local Cinema n Knickers

If theres one word to describe our local cinema scene, it must be Prof Madya Razak Mohaideen aka El Marichi M'sia. This former film n arts university professor, has made 6 successful films to date that picked up over RM17 million in cinema gate collection. Although small in western cinema standards, this is a considerable amount in m'sia as most viewers prefer watching movies on pirated DVDs from just as low as RM7 a piece. His anak mami movies were so realistic that the Persatuan Anak Mami of Penang even threatened to sue him for exposing the real anak mamis for their jewelry-wearing, back-bitting, money-eying, in-law thrashing attitudes. They backed off when razak approached a well known mafia in Penang by the name of Kadir Kutti for help. He is known to own the Modestos disco in Penang and has strong political ties with gansters inc umno youth.

For his incredible talent and persistence in producing movies that appeal to the local scene, the prof has been described by the asian times as an asian Spike Lee in the making. His use of creative classroom theories in his movies have given local cinema scene a new technical life that had never been seen before in the local movie business. His critics even commend him for introducing movies laden with impressive effects like making era fat and popping a vampire ghost chick from mid air. But will mat sentul effects be enuf for a shot of a more global audience? I think he should just stick to a good story line with a good dialouge thats complimented by killer camera angles like in the red shoe diaries series.

In a nutshell, the prof has revolutionized the local movie business by incorporating delicate composite special effects and cinematic photography with livid story lines that scream with energy, stamina and easy humor into a composition of cinematic delights that have hit our silver screens over the last 4-5 years. Fans love him, his critics adore him and banks can't get enuf of him. He has gone from an over-ambititous former university lecturer that sleeps in between classes, n sometimes during classes, to the director who put the Jarum in Mami Jarum: The Movie. Crowds line up to shake his hands when he appears in shopping malls. Students show nipple in class just to be picked for his new movies and to be given a shot at stardom. Forget watching RM15 mil movies that wreck the environment and puts half its viewers to sleep in the 1st 30 mins of watching, if you want a movie that makes u laugh without a thick plot to think through. His movies are it. Thats why they sell.

I sure hope the guy comes up with a lot more films in the future. I like his i-don't-want-to-think, i-just-want-to-watch approach for viewers that display sexy chickas that becomes a twat halfway in the movie, then repents n becomes a loving partner. Its all kick ass i tell ya. Being a guy that only watches p0rn DVD cheap flicks that he can get for under RM10 at the nearest DVD peddler, here r a list of 5 things i would do if I were Prof A. Razak Mohaideen:-

1. Re-write "Cinta Kolesterol" into ala-bollywood style, to cater for growing west-asian viewers. Fight scenes with digital THX punches would blow u off ur seats, while belly-exposing sarees makes heroine's look sexier. Kill off the Yusri dude in the 1st 10 mins of the film. The guy is definitely gay and puffy. Use Jojo 4U2C is the hero, but double him in love scenes to hide his chicken-pox scars.

2. Produce a new film where this erra chick becomes gay and has a steamy nude love scene with that Camelia chick. This will become the 1st local movie to him the RM22Million collection mark. Produce 2 version .... the decent one is for rtm, zambai n his cronies, while the xxx version could be sold on the streets by u. Hoe. To avoid cetak rompak, speak to Kadir Kutti n get him to sort out the the DVD thugs.

3. Remake the Yusof Haslam cop movie and hire Ebby Abadi as the heroine again ... pay her RM2000 extra and get her to take her top off in a romance scene set in the old melaka times when the cops travel through time in a UPM experiment gone wrong. Lace the film with HK style flying and hidden dragon kung-fu kicks, as the cops fight their way back to the time portal buried deep in the dense gunung ledang jungle. Faiiiiyyaahhhh!

4. Get Yusof Haslam's step daughter .... Deanna Yusof to go nude in a love scene with AC Mizal and his 4U2C pals. This chick is hot i tell ya. The last time i saw her was in the backroom, dancing her tits off and snogging every guy she comes in contact with while clutching her bottled water ....apperently high on E or aromin or something illegal. Just remembering how her sweat drenched her top n made her nips stand up in that hot n sweaty club puts me in a tailspin.

5. Give all the movie proceedings n rita rudaini's phone# to fade. This rudaini chick is pretty hot. Shes a janda but had the body of a virgin goddess making out for the 1st time. Looking at her stats, the num of years with ex n the taste in bfs ... i'd say this one would be a smooth mover who takes control n does what she wants n how she wants it. Big turn on. The media potrays her as a difficult, bf changing vamp .. but all i ask is just 1 day with her .. n i'm confident she'll convert. Just 1 day with this chicka n i'll be a happy man.

6. Produce a steamy love story movie that stars that indon dian chick and m'sia's very own fade about how 2 different individuals who briefly meet and fall in love and after returning to their respective lives again, come to realize that it was indeed a stronger love that was not to be denied. Love then spans across the ocean n drives them to meet again under a different circumstance to persue this paramountal love. Of course the nudes scenes would hve to show some nipple n a bit of bare bums. Choreographed correctly, there neededn't be any real penetration just sweat n moans, to keep viewers at the edge of their seats in disbelief. This blockbuster would definately shoot up to box the indon n m'sian box office. Fuuuyyaaahh!