The Unwelcomed Raya Visitor

In my usual exchange of emails with friends recently, I got an mail from M wishing me a selamat hari raya. Gee thanks. Shes also invited me over for a raya meal at her place to commemorate the auspicious occasion with her husband n kids. I'm always honored and thrilled to be invited into people's homes, although I might not be able to make the 10hour flight to fulfill the invitation. But thanks for asking M. Such a joyous thing to be invited to someone's house for raya. It was nice of her.

M was someone I had worked with sometime ago and by now she'd been married .. still is, changed jobs, bought a Putrajaya house and conceived 2 kids. The 2nd was just a few months ago. I sent her the usual congratulatory messages and wished her well. From my end, the happiness that M enjoys provides substantial evidence that people can in fact be happy and the sun does sometimes shine. Good for her. I was about to send an email saying nice things when my insticts decided to send her a dodgy email instead. Below was my hoax email to her ..

saudari mxxxxxx .. kumpulan al qaram kami ni satu kumpulan tarikat yg semakin meluas di negara ni. sambutan ajaran kami semakin meluas selepas kami menganjurkan majlis nikah bebas dimana kami akan nikahkan wanita dari kumpulan kami dgn pasangan yg kami pilih selama 6 bulan secara bergilir-gilir sebelum dinikahkan dgn pasangan yg lain ... nanti kalau ada masa saya nak tarik saudari join sekali kumpulan kami. Mungkin saudari boleh jadi umi kumpulan di kawasan putrajaya setelah selesai latihan. Banyak cabang agama yang kami selidiki dan paktikkan untuk kebaikan bersama. Kalau setuju nanti ahli kumpulan saya datang kerumah untuk berdakwah.

wasalam
syeikh al qaram fade ben xxxx
ketua cabang dakyah kumpulan tarikat austranasia
New Sandhrigam Mosque
http://fade0.blogspot.com

Haaaaa ..... i couldn't imagine how she'd take it. But she did reply n heres the content of her mail.

Ha? datang rumah... kalau certa pasal ni tak payah lah, tak minat nak join mana2 kumpulan cam ni....U ni betul ke tak ni..... kalau betul2 alim agama tak de lah u tulis yg bukan2 dalam web site u tu....? tak yakin saya.... yg saya tau tabligh je yang betul jalannya... I kena sah kan dulu betul ketak jalannya.... Takut2 ajaran sesat yg tak ikut ahli sunnah wal jamaah.

This is one a the funnier pranks i've pulled in a long time. So damn funny that i'm laughing outloud in the office. Other pranks i've pulled were :-

1. Uni Application
While waiting for Uni application results, I called rizal sazali my class wanker and told him in cockney accent that I was calling from the British Uni board and that he'd failed in his application. I told him to not bother calling back as the Uni decision was final. He started stammering and asking me what he should do next .. I calmly told him to FO. I was laughing before I told him it was me.

2. Random Number Call
I dialed a random number and told the girl who picked up the phone that her dad had ordered a casefull of loaded durex condoms. I asked her to confirm that there is someone at home for me to deliver the goods and collect payments for. She became erratic and sounded really .. really sad that her dad still had an active sex life that didn't seem to evolve at home. But she agreed for me to send it over at 5 and that she'd pay me on delivery. Shes probably still waiting for the box rubbers.

3. Lottery
I called a random number and told the lady that picked up the phone that she'd won a lucky lottery. She was so excited but tried to suppress her excitement by asking me A-Z questions about my company's nature of business. I then asked her save her questions for our company presentation day on the week after. She must have said thank you at least 7000 times.

4. Jealous Boyfriend
In an effort to assist a good buddy of mine to shadow this model chick, I called this chick's current bf and introduced myself as her part-time bf. I told him how much I adored her and that I wanted her to choose between me & him. I also included some raunchy details about the physical side of this torn-but-true love .. just enough to disgust him. I closed the conversation by reminding him not to tell her about it. They broke up a week later. My friend allowed her a week's grieving period then 'shadowed' her the week after. She's now a MAS stewardess and has been with him for over 2 years todate.

5. Headmaster call
When I was in secondary school, I went to a boys school in town and was prety anti-establishment then. I used to skyve classes after the 2nd period and walk over to the nearby jalan bukit bintang where i'd hangout with buddies at the Dunkin Donut outlet to smoke and eat donuts. The place would be filled with CBN'r n BBGS chicks, where a lot of flirting goes on there. The best cassanovas i know, had their early skills nurtured here ... if not the McDonalds next door. To make the story short, I was caught and the school headmaster called up my house to speak to my parents. Fortunately I was skyving at home then when I picked up the call the next day and pretended to be my dad. I told the HM to be easy on the kid and that I should not be unnecessarily pressure with over-zealous teachers who think they know best. The HM thanked me ...errr .. my dad and never bothered me again.

Life is a bag of tricks I reckon ... never know which trick u need to pull to get going.