Dawg it like a Man

In today's world, challenging economic pressures and straineous social commitments could sometimes cause mild enxiety to horny good people. Especially with massive traffic crawls and idiotic driver attitude to make the bad... badder n the worse ... worser. This often leads to harsh dissapointments, emotional frustrations and naked boobies on camelia's chest stress. Sounds like an Isaac Assimov fictional novel, but sadly these are the true realities for much of the millions inhabiting KL and her borough. In challenging moments like these, the medical journal states that one of the quickest, easiest and most efficient ways to reduce the level of stress and exiety is to wank swear, slur, maki .. whickever term tickles ur fancy. The medical journal also propogates spantaneous sex with stangers u find attractive in starbucks and who find u irresistable seductive, but thats a different story altogether.

As far as swearing is concerned, a mild manner goodie virgin man like me finds it very difficult to verbally convey obscenities to another fellow man, or woman unless she screams my name n tells me to ride faster while slapping my bare bum. As a result i often find myself on the receiving end of this stick on most occasions. In the past I have been called a lot of things (stallion,sexy beast & shaggy r some of them ... "bulu-man" more recently).... u name it, and chances are that the word has been used on me. Like a dawg, i take it by the tip and nip it in the bud, very similar to handling bare boobies in the shower.

My name calling or 'slurs' have come from rivals, classmates who want to be no.1 in class (and I'm in their way), heart-broken ex-gf, jealous bf, bosses, customers, suppliers, asshole I trashed at school, wankers I pissed everyday, bankrupt husbands whose wives a do a bit of gardening for, sexually challenged neighbours and the list just goes on .. and on. Now, its not that I don't mind being called 'certain parts of the human body' or 'certain animals' terms, but I really think that the entire event actually trains you to control your anger and suppresses the internal flare that very so often burns people up and destroys their lives. It is such a good training ground for character development. In fact there was an incident just yesterday that happened where the caller put down the phone after voices were raised. But like a real gentleman, i just put on the yusof kelana face n take it in stride.

Everytime somebody 'slurs' me ... I just take a deep breath and tell myself 'It ain't worth it!' .. and calm myself with naked images of sheryl and cum stare in the face of anger in a non-intimidated fashion. Not literally of course. Sometimes i dream of the ocean n how i would drop by boxers before jumping in for a bit of a skinnydip swim. Strudding monster tool all day in the office could get a bit stuffy. So a bit of sunshine n fresh air always does it good. But back to my point, after my imaginary swim things would often work out fine once more n i would have forgotten the incident that just happened. Over time i feel pretty immune to swears thrown at me.

Over the years, the amount of 'slurs' I have accumulated, both domesticaly and abroad, have greatly improved my vocabulary and grammar in the swear dept. This explains my collection of rich obscene, disgusting yet explicit vocabulary, that I carry around like zain carrying around his penile-enlarger. So being 'slurred' to does have its benefits. Just wished jumping in bed naked with both shell n sheryl on their horny nite was one of them. Or maybe taking a shower with thinktankgurl while massaging cow's milk oil onto maya's bare naked skin. Or cooking for sooz in the nude, naked chef style. I better stop here before i strike off my puasa. Selamat Hari Raya. Maaf Zahir Batin. Especially you ladies who I have so often mentally undressed and done some rather inappropriate things to. Have fun.

Blood for Money? Water for Fuel?

The clock showed 8 as i sat my ass down to wait for the azan over the ethnic Fiji radio station. This station in particular plays a lot of arab music and is known to be privately funded meaning anyone with money could air anything as long as the material wasn't offensive to anyone. With an ethnic indian population of 44%, Fiji has a large moslem population that migrated here over the years who went ahead to set up these religious radio channels as a public service for the community.

I looked around the room and could see my mates whom all had their plates filled with home cooked food that kak ani and her husband ghani had prepared the hour before. The food looked delicious and the 5 of us whom kak ani had invited there that evening knew exactly how good it was. Kak Ani who hails from kedah was just the best cook you had ever seen and to be invited over to eat at her place was just the best thing this puasa month. yohooo!. Kak Ani's food table looked like a ramadhan buffet offering at the shah alam concorde i thought. yummy. I looked around me and smiled to the others sort of signalling my delight for the food and the company. The invitees were friends that i hang out with and see almost every week now that its ramadhan and all.

Most of us have been here over 2 years and have in our own little way become quite well integrated into society and subconciously climatized with the local food n way of life of the locals here. Zan is a hotel manager in town and has been here about 3 years or so. Sitting next to him dressed in a low cut dress that shows bare boobies when she bends is Lily. She works in a bank in town handling customer accounts. Her hot friend in low cut pants that show g-string n a tattoo is Sharifah was an accountnant working with a dairy company while Lina and Sazli are technology workers who migrated here during the boom in 98 when the KL economy was down.

Lina and Sazli sure look like they're in love even though they've been gf-bf for the last 4 years. I wonder if they still sleep in each others bed during fasting months? Lina is a pretty JB chick around 32 and works for a local ISP in town. Shes got a nice figure and firm pear shaped flashlights and a tight bum. She comes around on weekends with Sazli sometimes to hangout n enjoys showing off her tight boobies that r often bra-less under a tight top. I suspect Sazli likes it that way. But shes always been with Sazli for as long as i can remember and unless he invites me for a 3some fun-fest, I'd prefer not to mentaly undress her too often.

As we sat down waiting for iftar, Sazli turned the tv on and 60 minutes was on. The azan came through the radio as all of us dug into our dishes with kak ani n husband smiling away, looking at us devouring her nasik ayam gam with an emotional look on our faces. Sitting next to Sharifah, i occasionally glance at her uncovered bare cleavage to help with digestion.

She was probably too engrossed in her ayam merah to notice her unbuttoned dress and her awesome rare half covered bunnies sticking out to compliment this nice meal. Ahhhhhhhhh ..... why do i suddenly have the urge for some melons now? As we ate, I couldn't help noticing the 60 minute program on tv documenting about how a kiwi scientist finally managed to get his bike running on water as fuel. Its really fascinating. Mind blowing i tell you.

Apparently this scientist bloke who lives in Whangarie managed to process his common H2O to run a customized engine for his motorcycle. To conclude the authenticity of this discovery, 60 minutes even ran tests with the water to prove that it wasn't petrol or alcohol based. And then they showed him empty his motorcyle tank and then put this H2O into it. A sec later he was riding his 2 stroke bike all around the compaund like a drunk apache. This was absolutely amazing. Besides 60 minutes, a fleet of other scientists have also tested his processes to verify its authtencity and they were all satisfied that it was. Does this mean we can stop handing over our hard earned cash to rich oil companies, who spalsh it on their executive salaries, beach resorts, private jets and 9 months employee bonuses?

Can you imagine a world where cars actually ran on water instead of fuel? Its a mind blowing fantasy for now, but a distinct reality for tomorrow with this new discovery. It would definately revolutionize the world's industry, civil structures and sosial values, stabalizing world dominance of the exis of evils all together. No more yanks invading oil rich countries, no more oil companies making trillions while etire nations go hungry. wohoooo! what a discovery. And it wasn't a high powered scientist in a high tech US Lab in silicon valley that discovered it. It was a down to earth scientist from a country with just 4 million population and inadequate funding that discovered probably the greatest finding since the car. If it is all true. The product is going through the lawyers and patenting comittee as we speak and results of authenticity n originality should be out soon. We shall wait n see shan't we? Blood for money will soon be water for fuel. Booyaaaa!

Local Cinema n Knickers

If theres one word to describe our local cinema scene, it must be Prof Madya Razak Mohaideen aka El Marichi M'sia. This former film n arts university professor, has made 6 successful films to date that picked up over RM17 million in cinema gate collection. Although small in western cinema standards, this is a considerable amount in m'sia as most viewers prefer watching movies on pirated DVDs from just as low as RM7 a piece. His anak mami movies were so realistic that the Persatuan Anak Mami of Penang even threatened to sue him for exposing the real anak mamis for their jewelry-wearing, back-bitting, money-eying, in-law thrashing attitudes. They backed off when razak approached a well known mafia in Penang by the name of Kadir Kutti for help. He is known to own the Modestos disco in Penang and has strong political ties with gansters inc umno youth.

For his incredible talent and persistence in producing movies that appeal to the local scene, the prof has been described by the asian times as an asian Spike Lee in the making. His use of creative classroom theories in his movies have given local cinema scene a new technical life that had never been seen before in the local movie business. His critics even commend him for introducing movies laden with impressive effects like making era fat and popping a vampire ghost chick from mid air. But will mat sentul effects be enuf for a shot of a more global audience? I think he should just stick to a good story line with a good dialouge thats complimented by killer camera angles like in the red shoe diaries series.

In a nutshell, the prof has revolutionized the local movie business by incorporating delicate composite special effects and cinematic photography with livid story lines that scream with energy, stamina and easy humor into a composition of cinematic delights that have hit our silver screens over the last 4-5 years. Fans love him, his critics adore him and banks can't get enuf of him. He has gone from an over-ambititous former university lecturer that sleeps in between classes, n sometimes during classes, to the director who put the Jarum in Mami Jarum: The Movie. Crowds line up to shake his hands when he appears in shopping malls. Students show nipple in class just to be picked for his new movies and to be given a shot at stardom. Forget watching RM15 mil movies that wreck the environment and puts half its viewers to sleep in the 1st 30 mins of watching, if you want a movie that makes u laugh without a thick plot to think through. His movies are it. Thats why they sell.

I sure hope the guy comes up with a lot more films in the future. I like his i-don't-want-to-think, i-just-want-to-watch approach for viewers that display sexy chickas that becomes a twat halfway in the movie, then repents n becomes a loving partner. Its all kick ass i tell ya. Being a guy that only watches p0rn DVD cheap flicks that he can get for under RM10 at the nearest DVD peddler, here r a list of 5 things i would do if I were Prof A. Razak Mohaideen:-

1. Re-write "Cinta Kolesterol" into ala-bollywood style, to cater for growing west-asian viewers. Fight scenes with digital THX punches would blow u off ur seats, while belly-exposing sarees makes heroine's look sexier. Kill off the Yusri dude in the 1st 10 mins of the film. The guy is definitely gay and puffy. Use Jojo 4U2C is the hero, but double him in love scenes to hide his chicken-pox scars.

2. Produce a new film where this erra chick becomes gay and has a steamy nude love scene with that Camelia chick. This will become the 1st local movie to him the RM22Million collection mark. Produce 2 version .... the decent one is for rtm, zambai n his cronies, while the xxx version could be sold on the streets by u. Hoe. To avoid cetak rompak, speak to Kadir Kutti n get him to sort out the the DVD thugs.

3. Remake the Yusof Haslam cop movie and hire Ebby Abadi as the heroine again ... pay her RM2000 extra and get her to take her top off in a romance scene set in the old melaka times when the cops travel through time in a UPM experiment gone wrong. Lace the film with HK style flying and hidden dragon kung-fu kicks, as the cops fight their way back to the time portal buried deep in the dense gunung ledang jungle. Faiiiiyyaahhhh!

4. Get Yusof Haslam's step daughter .... Deanna Yusof to go nude in a love scene with AC Mizal and his 4U2C pals. This chick is hot i tell ya. The last time i saw her was in the backroom, dancing her tits off and snogging every guy she comes in contact with while clutching her bottled water ....apperently high on E or aromin or something illegal. Just remembering how her sweat drenched her top n made her nips stand up in that hot n sweaty club puts me in a tailspin.

5. Give all the movie proceedings n rita rudaini's phone# to fade. This rudaini chick is pretty hot. Shes a janda but had the body of a virgin goddess making out for the 1st time. Looking at her stats, the num of years with ex n the taste in bfs ... i'd say this one would be a smooth mover who takes control n does what she wants n how she wants it. Big turn on. The media potrays her as a difficult, bf changing vamp .. but all i ask is just 1 day with her .. n i'm confident she'll convert. Just 1 day with this chicka n i'll be a happy man.

6. Produce a steamy love story movie that stars that indon dian chick and m'sia's very own fade about how 2 different individuals who briefly meet and fall in love and after returning to their respective lives again, come to realize that it was indeed a stronger love that was not to be denied. Love then spans across the ocean n drives them to meet again under a different circumstance to persue this paramountal love. Of course the nudes scenes would hve to show some nipple n a bit of bare bums. Choreographed correctly, there neededn't be any real penetration just sweat n moans, to keep viewers at the edge of their seats in disbelief. This blockbuster would definately shoot up to box the indon n m'sian box office. Fuuuyyaaahh!

Before she goes

The stigma of having a successful relationship is but a taboo, i think. Its the degree of damage a relationship brings about that we should be concerned about. In my many years of 'lending my ears' to friends in dire need of someone to talk to, I came to realize that the notion of a successful relationship nothing but a myth. I can however tell you from exp, that merits in relationships are often earned in the bedroom and how good ur partner rates u. Once the rating falls, so does ur relationship merits, I noticed. Below r some attitudes that ur partner will choose to display as the room becomes darker.

1. Starts coming home late, with winges like "I work like a dog .... to support u, and this is how u repay me". Partner and lover are 'slamming' like rabbits while u wait at home with todays dinner cooked. She comes home an hour late n her mouth smells like shes been eating semen when u kiss her. Give it up. The game is up. Do urself a favour n throw in the towel. Its all over even if it ain't.

2. Partner changes the clothes they normally wear to a more sharper dress sense, this is usually required when courting a new sh*g. The undergarments is also laced with sexy g-strings and funny looking thongs. U can definitely bet that something fishy is going on. Sometimes partner would leave for the office with zero knickers n a tiny mini. You can be sure that she'll be getting some in the office loo n lunchtime she'll be having salami instead of a vege sandwhich like shes been having for the 2 years u've been with her.

3. In bed, partner suddenly throws a new move like a 'scissors-cut' penetration while lying on the sides and suggests that u explore ur sexuality with strangers or the usually pri-conscious partner feels exited about taking it outside or with a stranger in the park. This is definitely a critical sign that ur partner is doing someone else on the side, and feeling sexually aroused just thinking about it.

4. Ur partner sits u down on a chair and with a serious yet pitiful face starts the conversation with "As u know, all good things come to an end ......" or "U know how much I love u, but ....". Start packing ur bags .....ops and don't forget the last shag for old times sakes ...one for the road.

5. U get weird phones calls at late hours of the nite or odd times during the day .. especially when ur not around. Also, the most 'recent calls' on partners mobile are getting erased on a frequent basis. Check ur phone bills .. and if u see the pattern, call to justify and then u can start packing ..... I once ended a relationship on this. Caught her doing ex-bf, so it was one for the road baby .... well 2 maybe, consequently ... fondest memories of her, those were. Hope you made the right choices in choosing a partner n if u didn't, make sure u look carefully for these signs that ur relationship might be in trouble. Better to know early than not at all. Good luck.

A Woman's Magazine

For as long as time could tell, women have been known to be more observant, understanding and more compliant to their own environments. They cooked food to address their family's hunger, cleaned to protect their family's health and groomed themselves to attract their male counterparts and to address the reproductivity of the human kind. If it was not for the intuitivity of women and issues they observe, address and eventually resolve, mankind would not have progressed at the pace it had done for the last 3000 years. Thank god for women.

Now in the age of the new millennium, changes in lifestyles and society evolve at a more rapid pace than it had ever before. What we had yesterday is no longer good today. The vicous cycle of life is so short-spanned that even Ken & Barbie are now dead. Like the expiry date on a milk box, things around us go out of date faster now than it had from the years before. This is due to a competitive lifestyle that dictates supply and demand in almost every conceivable trait around us. Our clothes fashion changes every season. The cars we drive, become out of date when manufacturers churn out a new model every year. Even our feelings and emotions changes when we meet new people, new circumstances and new challenges in our modern strive to stay alive. Living in these modern times is not a joke. It requires strength, stamina, intelligence and cut-throat survival insticts to prey or be preyed. These are the realities of today folks.

The one thing that has stood the test of time, is a woman's intuition to adapt themselves better (than men), in every wave of change that is endured. Women folk now are more observant and flexible to heed environmental requirements. They are quick to understand the fast changing needs of their environment and aggressive to adapt to the changes in a particular degree of change. Women now respond faster than ever before and more aggresive to protect and be protected. Like a prey bird with a nose for its victims, they move in for the kill then the victim least expects it. We've all seen it happen when partners are caught with a new gf ... the birds of prey circle from afar to observe, before swooping in for the kill ... either a punch-up with mistress x or to serve divorce papers to take him to the cleaners. Its becoming a too common of as sight, i fear.

Women magazines have been adamant in bringing forward these issues to help women folk better prepare themselves for millennium challenges. Saying this, i had recently found some very memorable highlights on Elaine's blog, that proved just this. Not known to Elaine, I also found the answers to the questions posed on a remote website. Here are the questions from Elaine's blog and the answers from the remote blog.

1. 10 ways to find your dream man.
Use internet chat, cupid date agency, random tel calls until male picks up phone, get sista' to fix with her friend's cousin, go out bra-less with 1 nipp showing, step in a club with 100:3 boy:girl ratio, go to paris, work as a stripper in vegas, sleep with a blabbermouth who appreciates ur bum and work him till morning, hangout at weddings dressed in tight see-through kebaya with blue contacts and flirt with every man > 50 yo who started the conversation with you with "I think I know ur daddy" but tries feeling u up ur dress when he gets close enuf. I would be very surprised if these steps don't pull u a hot-blooded man to keep ur bed warm tonite. Do let me know if u succeed ay.

2. How to please your man in bed.
Ask him if he'd like to do it outside, in kitchen, on sofa in living room, in shopping mall toilets, in car at shopping mall car park, on train, in office after hours. If this doesn't put a smile on his face, then maybe inviting to bed, ur hot blonde cherry-nippled 20 yo office temp will. And she can prove it that shes a natural blonde.

3. Dress to impress the man you want.
To stun ur man, wear a g-string bikini thats 3 sizes too small to the pool with him. Make sure bikini top slips exposing nipple every 3 mins at the pool. Creep into mens locker and shower with him, while other guys fill with envy. Nothing like voyuerism to get the engines running. Prepare for some p0rn star action at home later.

4. Drive him wild.
Dress like a GH nurse with no knickers underneath. After hot session, go out to mamak stall in attire and cross-leg sharon-stone style to engrossed male admirers, while flashing some. When u start getting whistles, lean over ur man n affectionately throw him seductive kisses. At home set up camcorder to record live action when ur man does the wild thing. View this video everytime u need to get high.

5. What Men Crave Most in Bed
Bring a busty divorced friend home to ur man n tell him its his b'day gift. Make sure all parties agree before persuading friend to participate. Be sure to approach friend that has been divorced for sometime n am dying for action. Before asking, have girlie talks about how they have not been getting it and wouldn't mind getting down with u for a laugh. At home blindfold the man and let friend have 1st go. If successfull, make it a regular session. swingers have fun eh?

6. Little Signs That Show He's Committed.
He lets u have intimate flings with ur tennis instructor, neighbour, french teacher, sister's bf .... any male u oogle. or he comes home with a monster vibrating dual head as a b'day present for u. He obviously loves you.

7. Confessions of a Love Snoop -- the cheeky things you do to keep tabs on him
Get gorgeous best friend, who was an ex-stewardess but got fired for acting in a homemade video with a steward, to take a nude bath with ur man. He'll definately tell her some dirty little secret that she has not told u.

My Endless Love ... for Bali

I was there in Feb this year and it was truly a wonderful paradise island from the minute you arrive at the Denpasar international to the sec the sarong'd cab drivers take you to your kuta paradise hotel which cost just $28 per nite (half the price of that in jakarta or KL). Cheap because of the exchange, but rich in its architectural structures and the balinese garden and cafes in the hotel.

But hotels tend to be filled with aussies from Queensland on weekends, where you might find a bit of pool skinny dipping from 1am upwards. Another big thing in bali r jap chicks who'r usually in a 2 sizes-too-small string bikini looking like a $10 whore but alwayz giggling, making peace signs n snapping anything that moves with their digital cameras. Although they look like tight tarts with the dyed haircut and all, they're actually quite polite and nice when you approach and talk to them. If a jap chick likes you, she'll usually ask you to drop by to her room to help her fix her tv. This is the most popular excuse used.

Theres loads of places to eat and a nasik goreng would cost you as little as rp7000. Thats only rm3.50. Locals smile at you wherever you go hoping to interact and engage in coversation on topics often relating to the country of your origin. Like the whole island is one big hotel. Thats how friendly people are. Probably brought up on the understanding that their livelyhoods depend on the influx of foreign money brought in by tourists.

Try talking to the locals in bahasa indon, and they'll really show you hospitality. They'll even offer to take you to see local their chicks if you let them. .. a strong no and 'I have a gf back home ....' phrase should do the trick. Sure i went to the usual tourist places on kuta, legion bars and jimbaran restaurants. Did HRC and Paris club. Even did the beach nite market and the seafood restaurant where 5 people lost their lives.

If it had happened in Feb this year, then I would have been a potential casualty no doubt. It had been a cheap but exciting holiday destination for most of asia. But now that things have gone the way they did, and as long as the aussies and yanks still go there and take their bikini tops off on its beaches, I don't think it will ever be a holiday destination for me again. But at least I've experienced the holiday paradise aura that Bali had to offer.

Goodbye Bali. I really don't think i'll ever see you again. Thanks for the sweet memories. Nighty nite. Oh .. and a happy b'day to me today.